


All That Glitters...

by Aeshna



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Christmas, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-09
Updated: 2012-02-09
Packaged: 2017-10-30 20:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/335854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeshna/pseuds/Aeshna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Toshiko, if you'd care to lead? No time like the </i>present<i>, after all...."</i> A little seasonal silliness with the Torchwood team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All That Glitters...

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2008 round of the LJ **fandom_stocking** comm.
> 
> Thanks as always to [Mimarie](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mimarie/pseuds/mimarie) for sterling beta work – any remaining weirdnesses are all mine.

"Oh, you've got to be bloody _joking_!" Owen stared at the scene before them in disgust. "It's in here?"

"Well," Gwen said cautiously, "at least it's... festive?"

"Sorry." Tosh looked rather perturbed. "The scanner _definitely_ says that it's in here somewhere. The reflections must be what was confusing the readings before. I've recalibrated and boosted the signal to cancel out any –"

"Okay!" Jack interrupted, casting what Gwen thought was an unnecessarily gleeful eye over the glittering chaos around them. "Whatever we're looking for, it's been holed up in here for nearly a week. From Toshiko's scans, it's alive and if it's managed not to alert the public to its presence, it can't be too large."

"Don't mean it's not got teeth," Owen pointed out. "Or claws, or –"

"So be careful where you poke your fingers," Jack continued cheerfully. "Toshiko, if you'd care to lead? No time like the _present_ , after all...."

They all groaned, and headed into the mad Aladdin's cave that their latest target had claimed as home. The shop – safely deserted at two in the morning – was a temporary seasonal rental, packed out with plastic conifers, brightly shimmering ropes of tinsel, rolls of too-thin wrapping paper, tiny flashing bulbs of every hue, and baskets filled with tacky foil ornaments. Cheap metallic plastic vied with coloured glass for attention, casting reflected shards of light in all directions and it was no bloody wonder that Tosh's scanner couldn't make head nor tail of the place. Gwen wasn't sure that her eyeballs would ever recover from the experience.

Still, it was doing good business, if the empty spaces on the shelves were anything to go by, which just went to prove that there was no accounting for taste....

"Storeroom out back," Owen reported after a few minutes of searching. "More of the same, just better packed."

Tosh sighed. "We're doomed, aren't we?"

Jack snorted and cast an assessing eye around the store. "Time to start taking a few educated guesses," he told them. "It's alive and readings indicate mobile, so it's hiding from potential predators. It's likely to be seeking shelter somewhere relatively undisturbed, somewhere where people aren't going to be grabbing and poking and moving things around."

"Not the shelves, then?" Gwen asked.

"Probably not. In fact, if I was small and hiding out in here –" Jack glanced up. "A- _ha!_ "

"Jack!" Tosh yelped as he flung himself past her and directly into the large display tree, the only one that was an actual organic pine – not that you'd know it, decked out as it was in every piece of garish tat available. It went down with a crash, the fairylights flashing protest, and then Jack was staggering upright, glass shards shining in the dark wool of his coat and pine needles lodged in his hair. He held _something_ triumphantly aloft by the scruff of its neck. "Gotcha!"

Gwen eyed the creature warily. "What the hell is _that_?"

"This?" Jack turned his prize to admire it; it struggled weakly in his grasp, wrapping its prehensile tail around his arm. "Mevhan species, female – translation would be 'forest cuckoo', I guess. Harmless, if kinda weird-looking."

He wasn't joking. The creature was cat-sized, with six legs, grasping paws, a slender, pointed snout, and three huge, dark eyes. There were silvery ruffs around its neck and between each set of legs, giving the overall impression of an elongated tinsel poodle – no wonder it had stayed put: it was perfectly camouflaged amongst all the festive glitter. As Gwen watched, a long tongue snaked out from the tip of the snout and left a shining trail across Jack's cheek.

"I think she likes you," Owen deadpanned.

Gwen snorted, then frowned as something occurred to her. "'Cuckoo'?"

"Yeah, you know," Jack waved vaguely with his free hand. "Lays eggs in other creatures' nests. They're incredible egg-mimics – can copy the shell shape and colour of whatever species they're gatecrashing. Even a mother can't tell the difference."

"Right." Gwen looked at the feebly kicking beast, then at the baskets and boxes full of glittering baubles... and at the empty spaces on the shelves. Shit. "So, is it just me or does she look exhausted? Like she's been a little... well, _busy_?"

"What do you –? Aw, crap." Jack groaned as realisation struck. He sighed. "Okay, kids – time to start shoplifting the shiny things. Looks like we're in for an _interesting_ New Year...."


End file.
